Ever wonder why a single thought can ruin your mood or make you overthink everything? That’s emotional intelligence at work — or on a nose dive when we’re on autopilot. Emotions don’t just appear — they grow out of our thoughts. By learning to notice and manage your thoughts, you can take control of your feelings, reduce stress, and respond to life more calmly.
Imagine you’re at a party, and someone glances your way and whispers to their friend. You immediately think, “Are they talking about me?” That thought can trigger insecurity or anxiety, and if you don’t nip it in the bud, it can create stress, anger, or frustration for no real reason.
The Autopilot Trap
Our brains work really well — most of the time anyway — but sometimes they take shortcuts, putting us on emotional autopilot. You’ve likely experienced it: a single thought sparks a chain reaction you barely notice. For example, a simple email from your boss saying, “We need to talk” can send your mind racing:
- “Am I in trouble?”
- “Did I mess up that project?”
- “What if I get fired?”
By the time you meet them, you’re stressed out, only to discover they just wanted to chat about the new Star Wars movie 🤩.
Runaway thoughts like this can disconnect us from reality — but none of this is magic. We’re doing it to ourselves, and with awareness and practice, you can take control of your emotional life.
Boosting Your Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence means recognising, understanding, and managing your emotions. Here are some practical tips:
- Catch the Thought Early: Notice the first thought that triggers a feeling. Pause and ask if it’s based on reality or assumption.
- Reality Check: Is the thought true? Maybe someone hasn’t replied because they’re busy, not because they’re ignoring you.
- Stay Present: Focus on your breath or surroundings to ground yourself.
- Label Your Emotions: Say, “I’m feeling anxious because…”. This can help make sense of what you’re feeling.
- Challenge Negative Thoughts: Replace them with neutral or positive alternatives. Instead of “I’ll never get this right,” try“I’m learning, and in time I’ll get it.”
- Practice Self-Compassion: Everyone has runaway thoughts. Be kind to yourself.
- Talk It Through: Sharing your thoughts with a friend, coach, or therapist can give perspective — for practical ways to shift your mindset and overcome limiting patterns, see How to Shift Your Mindset and Start Creating the Life You Actually Want.
Remember: Next time a negative emotion pops up, pause, breathe, and check your thoughts. You may discover that a calmer, happier you is just a thought away. And if all else fails, laugh at yourself — even Yoda had off days.
If you’d like a little support strengthening this skill, you can reach out through the Contact page to explore how coaching could help.
Slán go fóill … 👋